The Rules of Halloween

I wish I had a great story about why I started this thing. But here's the short, sweet, and honest answer: I was sick of reading someone's blog who did nothing but reblog and repost from other sources. One day it irritated me enough to the point where I said "Even *I* can come up with ONE original thought a day!" So my little bloggy blog was born out of spite. There it is. This whole thing is just one big "thumb my nose" at a person who shall remain nameless.

So here I go, about to copy and paste someone else's jokes. Sue me. I'm also about to break a rule of mine and post some pictures of people I know. (People I know: if you disapprove of the pictures email me immediately and I will definitely honor your wishes to remove the photo)

Of the 133 items on the list of Stuff White People Like (http://www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/) I officially like 44. Which makes me 33% stereotypically white. The Onion? Check. David Sedaris? Don't make me slap you for not knowing that. Microbrews, wine, hummus, farmer's markets, marathons? Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.

Here are some excerpts from one of my favorites, #113: "Halloween"

Halloween is so important to white people because they have to wear a costume. It is a chance to literally show everyone how clever you are without having to say a word. This makes it especially important to single white people as one well thought out costume could produce enough romantic interest to last through the winter. For this reason any white Halloween Party is less of a celebration than it is a contest. And as with any contest, there are a lot of rules.

The first thing you need to know is that white people are the only people on the planet who will dress up as a concept. So while your initial thoughts about a costume might be “cowboy,” “policeman,” or “Count Dracula,” white people are more likely to think “math,” “the economy,” or “Post-Modernism.”

Peeping Tom

If you show up dressed as Austin Powers or Napoleon Dynamite you will be met with near-universal scorn. You see, you need to find a character from a movie that enough people recognize but not one that’s so well known that makes it easy to find the materials required to create the costume.

That being said it’s a good idea to draw inspiration from older movies or television shows, specifically ones from the 1980s.

The only thing white people like more than costumes are group costumes.

With this information, you should have no problem fitting right in at a white halloween party. But don’t try too hard at your costume, white people hate being upstaged.