I Should I Have Just Tweezed

Would you let a person rip the hair out of your face with threads who is young enough to be reading a copy of The Great Gatsby while taking notes on a spiral-bound notebook????

I read The Great Gatsby in the 9th grade. I was 13. And I let this girl near my face. I have the cuts on my eyelids to prove my stupidity.

Happy Friday!

Randomness on this sunny Friday...

I'm down to the last drops of my eye make up remover and will soon be out of my very-necessary hair smoother goop. Do I order online to avoid the mall and get 3 free samples with my order but wait a week? Or do I trek out to the mall this weekend, deal with the crowds and forfeit my free samples?

I find that I talk to Roni in a few distinct ways:

1. In that baby talk way, where your teeth are kind of clenched and you pretend to have a lisp and repeatedly tell them how cute they are. "You are my kitty and I LOVE YOU!"
2. I say things to Roni that I'd probably like to say to some humans. "You smell." "Why are you so weird?" "Get out of my face."
3. I talk to her AS IF she is human. "I'd really appreciate it if you'd get down." "What did you do today Roni?" "Can you please come here and say goodbye to George Clooney?"

The house next to me is for sale by owner. I wish it was the ladies but it's the house on the other side. Whoever bought it to flip it did a great job. If you're in the market for a cute 2 bedroom house and you'd like to be neighbors with Roni, let me know.

My new 2nd favorite song? Milk & Sugar, by G Love. It combines my love of music and my love of coffee. Still hoping Scissor Sisters comes out with "Love Me Like a Thin Mint."

Some Things Need to be Explained, Apparently

I ran into the grocery store to grab 4 items to make myself the most delicious sesame noodles for din din tonight. My Beiber-esque clerk in the express lane was running my debit card when a woman approached him, having just come in the front door. She pointed to the "10 or Less" sign and asked if that meant a TOTAL of 10 items or if she could come through the line with 10 cans of soup, 10 boxes of cereal, 10 gallons of milk, etc.

I wish I could have stayed and waited for her to check out.

Conversation Continued in my Head

I just pulled up to my house to see my crazy neighbor shoveling the snow away from her curb and dumping it in the middle of the street.

Neighbor: Do you know who knocked the mirror off my car?

Me: Probably someone who was trying to drive down the street and couldn't get around your car parked halfway in the street.

(In my head): Ya weirdo.

Wednesday

There's a fine line between judging people and knowing what you will and won't tolerate. I'm guilty of judging people, of not treating people with enough love and patience, of not treating them how I wish to be treated. Of using cynicism and sarcasm. I humbly admit this as a failing, one that I work on but not enough and not consistently.

But I'm becoming more and more comfortable with myself and confident in my feelings to know what I won't tolerate in my life.

Watch out Funyuns. That means you.

Viva la South Bend!

If South Bend, Ind. is truly a dying city, like Newsweek reports, would we have restaurants like this

that serve fried seafood AND healthy drink??

Driving Miss Hilton

This is a view of my dashboard.

I forget that they're there 99% of the time, until someone rides in my car and asks why in the world I drive around with a Paris Hilton card.

In a nutshell, I think the Paris Hilton card is hilarious. Back when South Bend had a Marshall Field's (rest in peace, you glorious department store) women would stand in your way and harass you to squirt perfume on you. One unfortunate woman one day, was trying to sell Paris Hilton Perfume. If you didn't want to take a big squirt of Paris to the wrists, you could get a little squirt on a beautiful Paris Hilton card, to take home and sniff and imagine what Paris Hilton smelled like. Looking at the card, I immediately thought:

If Paris Hilton actually had business cards, this is exactly what they'd
look like. Her name and nothing else.

I snatched up a half dozen.

And the St. Andre Bessette card? Gotta cover your bases, kids.

NKOTB: This One's for the Children....

I had a weird dream last night.

I dreamt that I was babysitting for some kids I wasn't crazy about at all. I put the little girl to bed and then took the infant little boy out from under a blanket he'd been laying under...to discover that there had been an explosion in his diaper. I cut two holes in the bottom of a plastic grocery bag, slipped his legs through the holes, and tied up the bag around his waist. Ready for bed!

**Note to past babysitting clients: I have NEVER done anything like this in real life.

**Note to my future children: I hope I NEVER do anything like this to you.

**Note to CPS: this was a dream.

There is no joy at TJ Maxx

Does it mean I'm old or a curmudgeon that I found it really UN hilarious that the sales team at TJ Maxx was having a limbo contest behind the sales counter INSTEAD of ringing up my sale? That I didn't crack a smile while I waited for all three of them to try walk backwards under the broom they set up, each one falling on the ground in hysterics?

Side note: I did a Google image search for "obnoxious people." Here's a taste of what Google thinks is obnoxious:

That's harsh. Sorry Alabama

Google gets it right with this one. Perez Hilton.

I don't know if this is supposed to mean that grandmas are obnoxious, little kids are obnoxious or grandmas who make their grandkids hold moths are obnoxious.

Obnoxious soup

Talking Frogs and Punting Clydesdales

Super Bowl Sunday. I had better see some good Budweiser commercials.

If You're Ignorant You Could be Famous!

One of the greatest inventions ever (rivaling crystal kitty litter) is the comments section under the online articles of my newspaper. Simply brilliant. Give EVERYONE a chance to voice their opinion, no matter how weird or insane that opinion is.

Like 1/3 of the country, South Bend is in for the Blizzard of Mind Blowing Proportions. The "front page" of our little newspaper is nothing but articles on how to drive in the weather, what's closed because of the weather, and updates every hour on the progress of the storm.

In response to the article about the massive throngs of people at grocery stores buying up all the bread, milk and meat in the city, the following responses appeared:

"There are a ridiculous amount of ignorant people here. These [panicked
grocery store] articles are paid for by the grocery stores to move expiring
product."

"That's ignorant, to think the stores ordered the storm!"

"It's always a good idea to keep a few extra rolls of toilet paper in your
house!"

"It's ignorant to hoard toilet paper!"

"Global warming is a government hoax just like the global cooling hoax of
the '70s."

"You're ignorant!"