About 6 years ago I signed up for a cleanse and detox class at a now-defunct health food store. There was no special reason, I wasn't feeling especially toxic, I was just in the check out line one day, saw the flyer and signed up. A spontaneous decision that would make me the comedic fodder for my friends for the next 6 weeks.
For 6 weeks I gave up red meat, dairy, wheat, sugar, alcohol, and caffeine. Before I started I knew the alcohol and red meat weren't going to be problems. Cutting out dairy, wheat, sugar and caffeine meant changing every eating and working routine I had. I learned to like green tea. I learned to eat something other than cereal and yogurt for breakfast. I tolerated salads with oil and vinegar dressing. I baked so many apples for dessert...I probably funded an apple orchard that year. Try drinking hot lemon water sometime. Yum!!
I'd still come to Corby's on Fridays but I'd drink water. I would occasionally smell my friends' beers, when the temptation was especially strong, which made them laugh. What REALLY made their night, was the night I announced that I was on Day 3 of a week long juice fast. I had consumed nothing but vegetable or fruit juice for the last 3 days. Jokes about the validity of the benefits of a juice fast ensued...until I told them the reason for the juice fast was to prep for the "cleanse" part of "cleanse and detox" at the end of the week. Then the real jokes started.
My friend Young-Katherine Hepburn made a joke. I started to laugh. And laugh....and laugh...and laugh...until I was doubled over, crying....which led to sobs. Which led to me eating a taco. This is one of my friends favorite stories of me, when I was so delirious from malnutrition that I had a breakdown.
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