My Eyebrows Have Been Through a Lot, Cut Them Some Slack

It's Thursday and that means it's

Jessica's Latest Problem with the World, Part VIII

Hmmm....thinking of a problem....scratching my head....twirling my hair....buy those cute shoes on Etsy....gotta find a problem...Okay, we'll revisit this one.

I'm a comedy snob and I hate generic topics that are brought up repeatedly for laughs. "Airplane seats--what's the deal with that??" "What's that, Notre Dame fans? Michigan sucks? Oh tell me ANOTHER ONE, har har har!!" "White men dancing??? HILARIOUS!"

But my special level of distaste is for conversations dealing with the differences between men and women and in particular, the social norms of grooming for each gender. Sorry, but these jokes are tired. They are old. They are not original. I think as a society we can all agree that in terms of money spent, time spent, and pain administered, women draw the short stick when it comes to adhering to the social norms of "beauty."

However!! I bring the following subtopic of grooming to the table because it's something I experienced this week: threading. I think all men should be forced to have their eyebrows or some over other facial hair threaded. Good Lord. To get threaded in South Bend you start by laying down in a chair in the middle of the mall (made just a little less embarrassing because "Pretty Eyebrows" has little half walls, like a cubicle). The woman with the bluetooth in her ear pulls the string through her mouth, positions your face, and your eyebrow hair is ripped out. Repeatedly. Sometimes painfully. She will sometimes stop her bluetooth conversation to ask you to pull your eyelid down so she can get a better grip on the hair, but for the most part she never stops talking during the entire process. I'm not a big fan of pain so when it hurts I immediately start to turn my head away and the lady and I start a little unspoken war, much like a parent trying to get their child to take the cough syrup, and the kid keeps turning his head away, lips clamped shut.

I can deal with overpriced hair products, marketing meant to make me believe that I need lotion with sea minerals, baskets of make up, shaving my legs, pedicures, hair masks, face masks, and "miracle" products. I really can. For the most part I like being a girl and this stuff doesn't bother me as an inequality between the sexes.

But threading?? Men need to buy you an extra drink when they find out you've been threaded that day.