I Was Born to Use Small Electric Power Tools

Normally mowing my lawn doesn't excite me to the point of giddiness but as I surveyed the work ahead of me on Saturday afternoon I realized with great joy that Sunday was going to be a great day. It was time to get out the weed whacker.

I. Heart. Power Tools.

I never thought I'd say that. I love power BALLADS, sure. Power BALL is awesome, even though I've never won. But never did I show any interest in power tools.

When I bought the house 2 years ago I knew I'd have to become--or at least impersonate--an outdoor person. Hiring a lawn boy wasn't in the budget so off to Sears I went to find some electric hedge trimmers so that I could keep the fugly trees and bushes somewhat in check.

The first time I plugged the trimmer in and let 'er rip...this feeling of power and control and aggression washed over me. I picked the closest hedge and cut it to shreds. "Just a little off the top...now a little off the sides...whoops, too much, a little more off the top...looks weird, a little off the bottom" until I had a great little meatball-on-a-stick for a bush. I looked for other things in my yard I could use my hedge clippers on and sadly, there isn't a lot. If I could've cut my grass with the things I would have.

Last summer my mom got me a great gift--my weed whacker. I was so excited, she took a picture of me trimming along the edge of my front walk. Again, when I use that thing there's this feeling of unbridled power in my hands--it's really intoxicating.

As my neighbors came home from getting their church on and I continued to work in the front yard, I started to giggle, thinking about the movie they'd make about me and my power tools:

The South Bend Weed Whacker Massacre

(If someone who is better at photoshop than I am could please paste my head on Leatherface's head and add in a weed whacker instead of a chainsaw I'd appreciate it. Thanks.)