The Urge to Purge

Sometimes as I lay in bed and wait to fall asleep, I start to think about my bedroom. I think about the 2 dressers that are full of clothes. And the 2 closets that are also full of clothes. And the spare room dresser, full of clothes. And the entryway closet, full of coats and jackets. And I think to myself  "If I were to get married today and my husband moved into my house tomorrow, where in the world would his stuff go???"

And it really really bothers me.

It bothers me that I have amassed so much stuff, specifically, so many clothes. It bothers me that on more than one occasion I've purchased something, only to come home and realize that I had something virtually identical hanging in my closet. It bothers me that it would take a good deal of work to prepare to share my space.

It's not that I believe I should have left my closets half empty, in hopes of a partner to share them with one day. Or that you should delay your own happiness and fulfillment for a person who may or may not want to share your happiness and fulfillment with you.

I guess, at night, when it's me and my weary thoughts, I think about my closets as a metaphor for my life. I've managed to fill them up with "stuff." And only some of it is really important. Only some of that stuff is useful, meaningful, and beautiful. Only some of it makes me smile. Some of it is just plain crap. If I've filled my life with stuff that means very little to me, how could I have room for something or someone who means the world to me?

It's not easy to admit that you were wrong about something. That your judgement was totally clouded. That something is just not good for you. That something would be better off with someone else. That you mistreated something and now it's ruined. But I'm slowly purging and making room in my closets. And I'm making a promise to be more discerning about the things I bring into my closets, so that I can truly appreciate everything in them.